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Is He Ready For a Relationship?

I'm going to start this article today with this one sentence:

Unless a guy is already clear that he wants to settle down and be involved in a great relationship, he won't be capable of doing it.

Now, I have to confess that I also fell into the trap of dating a man that wasn't ready for a relationship so these words come from the heart. Read them and repeat them to yourself as often as you need to and I hope they help you avoid the pain of an unnecessary heartache down the line.

It's vital for your well being that this new man in your life is able to communicate that he's looking for something serious. If in doubt always assume he's still not quite figured it out yet. Give him space and ease off any pressure and get on with your own life - you may find he feels closer to you.

So, what is a mature and masculine man to you?
Your version may well be different to mine but here's my take on this one:
He will be:

• Comfortable to communicate and be vulnerable in a relationship
  
• Ready to give and receive love
  
• Clear on what he wants in a woman and in a relationship
  
• Decisive and positive in most aspects of his life. He takes responsibility for himself and his actions
  
• Close to his children (if he has any of course!)
  
• Caring and giving will help others readily

Some common signs of an immature man as the flipside to this can be:

• He's indecisive
  
• Complains or feels like a victim
  
• He'll call women dramatic or hysterical and he can't understand how women work
  
• He may not have many close relationships or quality ones
  
• He's unable to express his feelings or perhaps he's unclear what they are
  

So, if you want to avoid getting into a relationship with a man that's not ready to commit here are 4 keys things to look for:

1. Emotional maturity - A man who chooses to be supportive, doesn't hide his feelings, is comfortable with his own feelings but doesn't expect others to accept them. He can handle conflict and his and your emotions. He's not threatened by emotions even though he may feel overwhelmed by them on occasions.
   
2. Sexual maturity - A man who is comfortable talking about sex and your sexuality. He'll be supportive of you being a mature sexual woman and knowing your own needs and someone that wants to please you above all else.
   
3. Career and purpose - This is not an excuse for men - they need their working life to be secure as it often gives them a strong sense of identity. His career and money can be a measure of him as a man. How does he talk about his work and money? Is it with a sense of pain or pleasure?
   
4. Friends and family - Is he thoughtful outside of just his own needs? A mature man will help others out and have strong relationships with family and friends.

I wanted to write this article to help you avoid getting close to a man that's just not ready for a relationship. This isn't always easy I know. Often it's not till you're on the train that you hear or see the little red flags and then it may well be heading off a little to fast to jump off or you just choose not to see them cos the journey's quite fun at the moment!

BUT...

If you can stay in your head as much as possible in the early stages of a relationship and avoid jumping into bed too soon you'll stand a good chance of getting to know this new man for who he really is.

Ask yourself:

Is he opening up and sharing his feelings with his friends? If he can't with his friends it's unlikely he can with you.

Is this man able to meet my needs? If he's not then you must find the courage to wish him well and let the relationship go.

Has this man ever been in a relationship that you would want to have with him? For example, has he been made and committed for any length of time?

How does he handle conflict in his life? In areas that aren't about you is he able to address real issues and personal problems? Is he compassionate and sensitive?

Finally, remember men don't often feel the need to talk things through the way us women do. If you have a problem you want to sort out with your man rather than getting upset try and understand what's happening for him.

If you've chosen a more masculine man, he'll be likely to want to solve is problems by thinking through them, NOT talking.

I hope you've had a few ‘aha' moments whilst reading this article.